It's been one hell of a month. I don't even know where to start. I'm sat writing this on my phone at quarter past 3 in the morning after finally giving up on sleep. I've been lying down in bed for 4 hours in the vain hope that eventually my eyes would close. I'm blaming it on the steroids. Although I don't remember ever having the problem before, but then until now I've always been ill in a more classic sense when I've had to take them. This time it's "reactive arthritis", we think. So far it's been 4 weeks of pain. I can honestly say I have no idea how people cope with the pain of arthritis and don't go to see a doctor. OK, most people don't get full blown arthritis in 48 hours but OH MY GOODNESS! THE PAIN! It started with slightly sore ankles and 2 days later standing up felt like someone was driving daggers into my joints. Big ones. With added spikes. After nearly a fortnight of daggers (in toes, ankles, knees, hips, spine, shoulders, elbows, wrists and fingers) I got given steroids, which seemed to be working miracles at first but now they're only dulling the pain, and pain killers which are "one down from morphine" which seem to do about the same as paracetemol. Unfortunately because of the asthma I can't take anti-inflammatories which would have been the best short term solution. So I'm waiting as patiently as possible for next Thursday when I get to see the arthritis/rheumatism people at the hospital and find out what the prognosis is. Fingers crossed it'll be a good one.
For now however it's messing me up. I'm only really moving when I have to, so no gym obviously, I'm starving hungry all the time, my favourite side effect of my beloved steroids, and feel stupidly sick if I don't eat. So 3 am and all I can think about is the microwavable lasagne in my freezer. I'm resisting, and feeling more poorly by the minute for it.
I spoke to one of the people I value most a few weeks ago and they asked me how my blog was going as they hadn't had a chance to check in for a while and I was forced to admit that it wasn't going at all. So as I lay awake reminiscing I thought "OK, life ain't that great, let's try writing about it" and to make it more fun I downloaded an application for my iPhone. Now I can blog from anywhere. So no excuses (again, we all know how well that went last time). :)
I suppose seeing as I named my blog "flab to fab" I'd better talk about the transition between the two. As you can probably guess I'm heading rapidly in the wrong direction. I'm obviously not going to go get weighed at this time in the morning so I'll give you the closest I've got. 2 days ago I weighed in at 20st 3lbs. My heaviest ever. By 3 lbs. And in 2 months I have to get in a bridesmaids dress. Not my proudest moment ever.
What I'm having trouble with is finding a solution to the problem. If I could exercise then the fact I need to eat more regularly so i don't feel ill all the time wouldn't be a problem and visa versa. But as anyone with half a brain can tell you if you cut your exercise and increase your calorie intake nothing in the world is going to stop you gaining weight. The doctors have said they'll look into helping me when the arthritis is dealt with but I'm not sure that's what I want, if they even ever get round to it.
So here I am, about to swing on the trapeze, with no idea if my partner can catch me (or even if I have one) and without the use of a safety net! I'll let you know what the ground is like when I work out how to safely get my feet back on it.
My parting shot is just to say thank you to my Mum who dropped everything to come and look after me when I couldn't look after myself and to Ray for what he had to take on. Without them this awful ordeal would have been a hundred times worse.
TTFN
xxx
