Moving home today...

and have packed the scales! So i have no idea what's going on with my weight! Also i'm going to lose my internet tonight so i may not be about for a while. But i'll leave in the hope that when my internet is up and running at the new house i'll have some positive weight loss to report! :) xxx

The Shortest Blog Ever

Got flu, moving house Thursday or Friday. Plus side... No appetite. May actually lose some weight. :)

It's 4 O'clock In The Morning And It's Starting To Get Light

... in the immortal words of Beverly Craven. Of course it's not 4am, it's 2.30, and the only light is from the street light and the computer screen. The things is about quoting immortal lyrics that it's tricky to be in the exact same situation.

It's  obviously time for my new song... it's 2.30 in the morning and it's not starting to get light and I wish i'd lit up a cigarette and drunk a bottle of wine because if I had I probably wouldn't care about the fact that it's 2.30 in the morning (breathe) and i'm still awake and writing the longest sentence in the history of the world ever! The End.

Instant chart topper dontcha think??

Well on a slightly less manic note the packing seems to be going relatively well although i have absolutely no clue where all this stuff came from. Even less of a clue where it's all going. Gulp.

My (very lovely and exceedingly slim) friend told me today that the weight gain won't be from all the junk we've been eating but because we'll have put on muscle with all the hard work. Some friends really are the best aren't they! Plus I have received a strange e-mail about badgers from another friend, which can't be bad. So YAY for today.

Be warned though people of Norfolk... Maris will be out and about tomorrow with a sleep deficit and feeling stressed...

:) xxx

Here We Go Again!

Well it's nothing I didn't expect but i'm disappointed with myself anyway.

I've gained 2 lbs. I'm going to try and be a bit better about what i eat while i'm going through the move and then try to "lose" my bad eating habits in between houses! Here's hoping!! :)

One Week To Go! Gulp!

Next time I decide I want to move, tell me NO!

It's 00.30, i've been up since 07.30 and yet I just can't seem to relax enough to sleep. I have my Mum and one of my closest friends here (and sleeping peacefully) to help me pack and sort. I've promised myself i'm not going to take all this "stuff" with me.

My diet is going disasterously. Although I have managed to be good about breakfast every day. Which is something at least. Also i'm getting an awful lot more exercise with all the moving, carrying and packing of boxes. 

I hate moving!

I haven't even managed to weigh in this week, although i suspect that may be a good thing!

Will try to remember to do it in the morning and will attempt to allocate time to apologising about my weight gain on here on the afternoon!

:) xxx

Stress, Stress, Stress!

Aarrrgggghhhhhh!

I'm moving house, again!

This'll be the 3rd time in a year!

Probably moving in about 10 days so it's manic! Will try and blog once i've packed a bit more... Gulp. :)

The Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing But The Truth

  Made the possibly rational decision that if i'm going to do this I need to be honest with myself. Therefore I need to be honest on here.

  Today has SUCKED!!

  I'm going to have a mixture of a waffle and a rant now, just to warn you.

  It all started going wrong about 11.30 last night. My downstairs neighbours had their bicycle stolen. Doesn't sound like the end of the world I know but I live in the last block of 4 flats at the very end of a quiet cul-de-sac that is 90% inhabited by old people. We're also the last road on the way out of Diss on a quiet back road that only leads to tiny villages. I suppose my point here is that it's not the kind of place you stumble across by accident. So when my intercom buzzed at half eleven last night I was slightly freaked out in the first place. Then when I heard what had happened even more so. I tried to help as much as I could as my downstairs neighbours are Polish and don't speak the best English. Plus they thought the number for the police was 997 (ambulance gets 998 and fire brigade 999). Turns out that they suspect the new people who moved into our block just a week ago as they've been here over a year and had no problems at all until now. Our new tennants are a not-far-off-being-teenage couple with 2 kids. Must add that the adults are 2 of the biggest chavs i've ever met! Don't know if it's relevant but give chav credit where it's due. Personally I doubt it was them, own doorstep - literally - and all that, but I wouldn't be at all suprised to find it was an aquaintence!

  So here I am, single girl (not that i'm a fraidy cat specifically) who spends at least a third of her time away from home and knows exactly what people who steal bikes can be like, on account of the fact that i've dated a few of them and known even more. One of them held a knife to my throat.

  Had just managed to wind down and started to drift off at about 2.30 this morning when the police turned up to speak to the downstairs neighbours about the missing bike. As they live right underneath me I can hear almost everything that goes on so their intercom woke me up with one hell of a jump. Great, now I have to unwind again! Normally I'd do this (as I do with any irritating noise) by sticking my ipod in. Only now, because i'm stressed, I can't help thinking that then I might not hear something important! Sleep came slowly last night.

  

Next thing I know it's 7am and the child next door is having a tantrum on the landing. The man of the house (i'd say dad but I don't think that would be accurate) is, for want of a better way to describe it, having a tantrum right back at her! I don't know if you have any experience of flat landings so i'll share a little fact about mine with you. Everything that happens on my landing sounds like it's happening through a megaphone. The accoustics are astonishing! If I sang out there full blast i'm firmly convinced they'd here me at Diss mere (a 10 minute walk away)! So imagine getting woken up by a strange child having a tantrum in your ear and that was pretty much my wake up call. 

  By 8 the chavs were doing DIY. Yay. Or maybe just knocking down walls... Humph.

  Despite all this I managed to get up and exercise. I also had my designated breakfast.

  However during the day my mood has got worse and worse. I suspect that at least partly because i'm having a mood shift with my bipolar anyway. I've felt myself struggling more over the last few days. Trying to have conversations and just not staying with it. But that's part of being me. The external issues though are not something I can cope with as well.

  My refuge?? As always food. I feel sick, partly with (hopefully irrational) worry and partly because i've eaten the equivalent today of what i'd eat in a week of dieting. So feel free to tell me to pull myself together, especially if you know of somewhere I can live where I never have to come in to contact with other people. Unless of course I choose to!

 

  Roll on March 2010.

  From positive to disheartened in one easy lesson.

  And so to bed.

The Day Number Two Writings About The Day Number One

  Well after some technical difficulties (at least partially involving the need to activate brain before attempting... well anything you need a brain for) we seem to be up and running! I have a whole one follower! Yay me! :)

  BTW, for those unfamiliar with blogs... the new one is always at the top so if you're reading this one first... STOP and scroll down and start with the second one which is actually the first!

  On the exercise front yesterday was good. One whole hour of step aerobics, and blimey don't my legs know it this morning. Everything else went fairly badly though and after having a good day (my easter egg from Mum remained hidden) I ended up eating chocolate (bye bye easter me to you bear (thanks Mum)) just before I went to bed which we all know is the worst thing in the world to do!

  However although I messed up yesterday and had a fairly inauspicious start to this miracle diet, i'm still here! I weigh exactly the same today as i did yesterday, which is better than having gained anything, and I started this morning, despite having very little sleep, with 30 minutes of step and a slim-fast! Yay me!

  So slip up behind me I face today tired, achy and positive!

:) xxx

Chapter the First

So...

  Sat here on Easter Sunday 2009 (of all days) I realised that despite the fact i've been "dieting" since the middle of September last year I am a measly 7lbs lighter now than I was then. Then truffling round on Facebook and found a friends link to her "blog myself thin". Decided swiftly to jump on the band wagon and here I am.

  I'm 28 years old, 29 in July, single (no huge suprise there) and weigh in at 19st 8lbs. I'm never going to be thin... I like food too much... and to be honest i'm not totally sure that I want to be! I would however like to be slimmer, fitter, healthier and to regain my old confidence. I used to walk into a room and wait for everyone to look at me (must add that i know most of the guys were looking at my cleavage). Now I sidle in quietly, self confidence left at the door, slide along a wall and find a corner to hide in. Scary thing is i've convinced myself that this isn't a problem.

  My problem is that I always have an excuse! I know that a lot of people out there are the same but in all seriousness i've turned it into an art form! "I'm not well, chocolate will make me better" "I'm depressed, i'll treat myself" "I'm happy, we'll celebrate with food"! My latest is... "I'm a bridesmaid in November this year and I only need to be a stone lighter to make my dress look fabulous. So I don't wanna lose too much weight or it won't fit." Let's face facts though. I'm a curvy girl and always have been so my boobs will probably still fill the dress no matter how much weight I lose. If they don't there are these things called seamstresses I believe. Think they alter dresses so they fit... and i'd be able to get a good strapless bra that actually fits :) The possibilities for my excuses really are endless. So, no more excuses. The fact is that happy or sad, ill or well, mourning or celebrating i'm still fat and will continue to be so, unless I do something about it.

  For the moment at least my goal is 15st. That's what I weighed when I met the last guy who made my knees go weak. If I could achieve that in time to go shopping for some new clothes to wear on my holiday with my wonderful Mum that would be awesome. Thing is I need, quite frankly, repeated kicks up the backside to help me. My friends are wonderful at this but I can't make them watch me 24/7! Mum and I fly out on the 10th of July so time's running out!

  I'm going to try and put on here, consisely most of the time, my weight (and possibly BMI), whether i've been good or bad and my level of exercise. What i'm asking anyone I can convince to follow me is if you think i'm doing well, tell me! If you think i'm doing badly, tell me! LOL. Most of all though i'm asking you to call me out on my BS! Tell me if i make anything that sounds even remotely like an excuse and be my heroes!

  Last thought of the blog... If I cut out all the rubbish and do this properly i'm probably going to lose weight quite fast initially and the last thing I need is anyone who thinks that they're a "diet expert" telling me i'm losing weight too fast. I know if I lose more than a couple of pounds a week it's supposed to be bad for me. My question in return is... when you're classed as morbidly obese does that really matter? I know that losing weight too quickly can lead to a weight rebound. I know that I could not be getting enough of what my body needs to sustain itself. I know I've got to come to terms with the fact that i'm probably going to end up with unsightly leftover skin. But the ultimate truth is that anything I do half-heartedly I fail at. So, vitamin tablets and bio oil in my hands i'm gonna take a run up and.....

 TO BE CONTINUED... :)